Keeping Up With The Coal Crew | February 2023
Keeping Up with the Coal Crew: Monopoly Edition
The classic childhood game that brought families and friends together only to summarily and systematically tear them apart. But don’t get us wrong, it’s riveting gameplay. Especially for those particularly adept at brutally draining the spirits and coffers of their opponents — and those with a knack for the plastic real estate market.
But the battle *ahem* game often began before the die was ever cast.
For play to commence, players first needed to make a life-defining decision: which token would they select?
Whether it was the formidable battleship that you hoped would carry you directly to the Boardwalk or the cheeky boot that looked like it fell right off the foot of Robin Hood, your token totem said something about who you were and, more importantly, what you stood for.
It was a decision that could not be made lightly.
That’s why we thought it would be fun to ask the Coal Creative team which Monopoly piece — either existing or made up — would best represent them. Let’s set the board.
Holly “Barbell” Pilcavage
As our fearless CEO, it’s no wonder why Holly would select a custom barbell piece. She’s both strong and determined — a tireless worker who never settles and always strives to make gains.
But don’t let that barbell slow your pilgrimage to Park Place, Holly. Our rag-tag team of tokens are in close pursuit.
Samuel “Darth Maul” O’Connell
Our CCO Sam is a man of refined taste. That’s why his family exclusively played the Star Wars Episode 1 Phantom Menace edition.
To that end, he seized this opportunity to finally become the coveted Darth Maul piece. Reveling in his long-awaited triumph he left this friendly dispatch: “Just because you won the last twelve games in a row doesn’t mean you always get to be Darth Maul, Abe.”
While we can’t say for certain, this sounds suspiciously like something a Jar-Jar Binks player would say. One can only assume that, to this day, Sam is still unpacking some deep-seated gaming trauma.
Alex “Pawn” Manganella
Alex leads our video production team, transforming creative ideas into award-winning films and videos.
When asked which piece he would be, he responded, “Like all of the board games in my house, Monopoly is missing a few pieces so I would have to get scrappy. I’d probably be a pawn from a nearby chess set that never makes it back to its original game.”
That’s fitting, we think. Like a pawn, Alex is a resourceful and adaptable team player who’s always ready to step in and assist whenever the cameras start rolling.
Jeremy “Dumpster” Brown
Our Operations Director Jeremy stated that he would be a, and I quote, “dumpster.” You can make of that what you will.
For his one-word response, Jeremy goes straight to jail.
Do not pass Go and do not collect $200.
Samantha “The Mailman” Bucher
Growing up, Samantha was more into collecting dogs than properties. “I played the unlicensed ‘Dog-opoly,’” she said. “Shockingly, there were no dog tokens, so I’ll settle for the mailman.”
Even though a mailman may be a dog’s most fearsome rival, they — like Samantha — are dependable, reliable and always on the go. As our Content Director, Samantha paws-itively delivers — no matter the creative pursuit.
Travis “Skateboard” Antoniello
Travis, our Web Developer and Technology Specialist, dedicates his game piece to all the skaters out there who have been unceremoniously kicked off a perfect four-set by a busybody mall cop or actual police officer.
With his board underfoot and Goldfinger’s “Superman” blaring in the background, he’d hit up all the fresh skate spots before the rest of the Coal Creative team could reach the properties and, subsequently, ban skateboarders from the grounds — or at least charge them a hefty fee.
Jesse “Caffeine Pill” Macko
Jesse, our Campaign Manager, replied that he would be a caffeine pill, which he would then take in order to stay awake for an entire game of Monopoly.
While we typically avoid making inferences or broad generalizations, this statement reads like someone who’s lost a lot of Monopoly games and, frankly, remains quite bitter about the fact.
Jay “The Cheater” Nguyen
Growing up, Jay didn’t play normal Monopoly.
Her family played Monopoly: Cheaters Edition. In this cutthroat version, players were encouraged to steal from the bank, ignore the dice and do anything they wanted — so long as they got away with it.
To that end, Jay would choose “Scottie Dog Burying Taxes” because, as she noted, it represents her two favorite things: dogs and committing tax fraud.
All we can say is we’re glad she’s not in charge of our finances.
Matt “Fair Player” Simoncavage
Matt — our team’s Lead Web Developer and Designer — took a somewhat more Machiavellian approach to the game, saying “I’d just be all the pieces so that no one else could play and I win. Because, Monopoly.”
Although we’re not 100% sure, this feels as if it violates the rules of both the game and the questionnaire. While we appreciate the must-win attitude, Matt, for your crimes, join Jeremy and his dumpster in jail.
Do not pass Go. Do not collect $200.
Will “Not Playing Your Game” McHale
Matt may have tried to change the game, but our Post-Production Manager, Will took that a step further by completely upending the board and then boycotting future gameplay.
According to Will, “I would be a game piece from ‘Pop-O-Matic Trouble,’ a far superior board game that doesn’t rely on constantly reminding its players about the icy grip of monopolies in end-stage capitalism.”
Will, those “game pieces” are just boring old pegs and nowhere near as cool as a battleship, racecar or cannon. Take your peg and go to the Trouble equivalent of jail (home?).
May you not roll any sixes.
Mia “Thimble” Cundro
Our Design Specialist Mia is one of the only team members who actually selected one of the original game pieces.
Good job, Mia! You follow instructions better than the rest of the team. Advance to Go. Collect $200.
But why the thimble?
According to Mia, “I feel like it represents my life perfectly. I need all the protection I can get from the weird things that happen to me, lol.”
“Captain” Camaryn Lokuta
Our steadfast Managing Director Camaryn Lokuta knows how to help lead the team toward victory. And like Mia, she also gets bonus points for selecting an original piece.
“People say you need to choose your battles, but I am hard-headed so I choose all of them!” She says, “For this reason, I would be the (retired) battleship.”
We can’t argue with that!
Now that everyone’s selected their tokens, it’s time to play the game itself. We just hope this isn’t the end of the Coal Crew as we know it.